OCD and Having a New Child
As if life was not difficult enough already, adding a newborn baby into the mix made everything feel 100 times harder.
I have a severe form of "magical thinking" OCD, so even the first time I physically touched my child, my brain forced me into rituals involving thoughts, images, words, phrases, and mental patterns. If you have read my other articles, you probably already understand some of my OCD themes.
People might ask, "If you knew you had severe OCD, why have another child?"
Because I am human.
My wife does not have OCD, but before we had a baby, she understood what our future could possibly look like. It was something we accepted together.
Never feel ashamed for wanting a child while living with a mental condition. Severity is different for everyone, and even people with very severe OCD still become parents, build careers, and live meaningful lives every day.
The First Year Was Extremely Difficult
The first year after our son was born was extremely difficult for me.
Honestly, my OCD became unfair to the people around me, especially my wife. She deserved far better from me during that period. I wanted to help more than I was capable of at the time, but my compulsions kept stopping me.
My OCD convinced me that touching the baby at the wrong time, after certain triggers, or with certain thoughts in my head could somehow "contaminate" him metaphysically or curse him in some way. Rationally I knew this was not true, but OCD does not feel rational when you are inside of it.
At one point, washing bottles was about the only thing I felt capable of doing consistently.
Starting Small Helped
Over time, the stress on my wife kept building. She was carrying too many responsibilities while my OCD continued dragging me further downward. Eventually I realized something had to change or my marriage was going to suffer badly.
So I started very small.
Folding clothes. Doing dishes. Cleaning small things. Anything that gave my wife even a little more free time and reduced pressure on her.
That mattered more than I realized.
Over time, after a lot of ERP work, I slowly became capable of doing more for our son. Today I can bathe him, take care of him, and handle many things that once felt impossible because of my OCD fears.
Your OCD Is Your Responsibility
I also think it is important to understand something difficult:
Your OCD is your responsibility.
A spouse can support you through treatment, encourage you, and stand beside you, but they are not responsible for carrying your disorder for you forever. If someone chooses to stay and support you through severe OCD, appreciate that deeply.
ERP Changed My Life
This article is not really meant to be encouragement or advice. I am mostly just documenting my experiences honestly because I know there are other parents searching online right now feeling terrified and alone.
What I can say is this:
ERP changed my life more than anything else ever has.
Medication has helped me, especially recently, but many of my biggest parenting improvements actually happened before medication. ERP forced me into the feeling of catastrophic danger over and over until my brain slowly stopped reacting the same way.
That process was brutal, but it worked.
Final Thoughts
It is now 2026, and my son is about two and a half years old. I am still struggling every day, but compared to where I was before, my life is completely different.
I am still not cured.
But I am finally participating in my own life again.