OCD and Parenting: Choosing Your Children Over OCD
Parenting with OCD has always been difficult for me because it often feels like I am caring for two children at the same time. One is my actual child, and the other is the demanding, irrational voice of OCD constantly seeking attention.
The difference is that my child needs love, guidance, and support. OCD only wants obedience.
Helping Children Understand OCD
One of the best decisions I made was being honest with my daughter about my OCD when she was young enough to understand basic explanations.
I did not want her growing up thinking my reactions were her fault.
I remember one occasion when she cleaned the kitchen for me. Instead of being grateful, my OCD convinced me that something she touched had become contaminated with bad luck and that she had spread it throughout the room. I became upset and felt compelled to clean the entire kitchen again.
My daughter went to her room and cried.
Looking back, I can clearly see how wrong I was. OCD may have been responsible for the thoughts, but I was still responsible for how I reacted. Moments like that taught me an important lesson: allowing OCD to control my behavior can hurt the people I love most.
Using ERP as a Family Tool
My daughter has actually helped me with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) many times over the years.
For example, when shopping, my OCD often wants me to touch multiple products until I get the “right” feeling before making a purchase.
My daughter learned this pattern quickly.
Instead of allowing me to follow the ritual, she would tell me to buy the first item I touched. Sometimes I argued with her. Sometimes I wanted to continue searching. But many times she won, and nothing bad happened.
Those experiences became valuable ERP exercises.
If it is safe and appropriate, involving family members in your recovery can sometimes be helpful. They can often recognize compulsions more clearly than we can.
Learning From My Mistakes
By the time I had my second child, I thought I would be more prepared.
In reality, I was still dealing with many of the same OCD themes. Some were even more severe than the ones I experienced when raising my first child.
The difference was that I had learned important lessons from my earlier mistakes.
I became much more aware of how my behavior affected the people around me. Most importantly, I learned that my children's needs must come before OCD's demands.
Choose Your Children, Not OCD
One of the most helpful ways I have motivated myself during ERP is by reminding myself who I am choosing.
When OCD demands a ritual, I try to tell myself:
"I choose my children, not my OCD."
OCD often convinces us it is protecting us or protecting our families. In reality, it frequently does the opposite. Left unchecked, OCD can create tension between spouses, children, relatives, and friends.
It can damage relationships if we allow it to dictate our behavior.
That is why I encourage parents with OCD to use their families as motivation for recovery. Every time you resist a compulsion, you are choosing your loved ones over OCD.
Support Is Available
Parents living with disabilities or mental health conditions should remember that support exists.
Organizations such as United Way and other local community groups often provide assistance for families, including holiday support, resources, and referrals to services that can help during difficult times.
You do not have to do everything alone.
Family First
If there is one lesson I have learned from parenting with OCD, it is this: put your family first.
Put the people who support you first. Put your children first. Put your recovery first.
Use your love for your family as motivation to challenge OCD every day.
The more you disobey OCD, the more you weaken its influence over your life. Recovery is not about being fearless. It is about choosing what matters most, even when OCD is screaming for your attention.
For me, that choice will always be my family.